40 Things You'd Like to Say Out Loud at Work

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're fullof sh*t.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it'shard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time tohumiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you peoplelearn to see it my way.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave amessage.
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand adamn word you're saying.
10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited usagain.
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I wasyoung and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust ofstrangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don'tgive a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over yourmouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions Ihad about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged byyour unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't meanyou're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine ispurely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karmato burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties arelargely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescentlighting.
26. I started out with nothing and I still have most ofit left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, youmissed.
31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I justwanted a salary.
39. Who lit the fuse on your a**?
40. Oh I get it... like humour... but different.